Thursday Blues

I'm  depressed with my life, America, and the world. I am disappointed about our starting and escalating two recent wars of aggression (Iraq and Afghanistan)as well as the callus disregard and outright contempt that government officials, specifically elected officials of the executive branch, display towards basic standards of humanity and compassion. Not to mention our constitution (and it's amendments), and the bill of rights which they swore to uphold. Our leaders mirror our lack of compassion and humanity, whatever bitter harvest is reaped from this season of sowing, it will be deserved, if horrific, to all those who must by necessity take part in it. To perhaps finally begin to see how little is left of our "humanity", no greater punishment could be contrived for a people who however misguidedly, honestly desired to help others, without seeing first to the care of their own children, and the care of their souls.

 

Whether it is the treatment of poor homeless or imprisoned drug addicts or Bradley Manning. . . Or injured veterans, not to forget the innocent citizens of the countries that we so callously and unjustly invade.. . . there is only the common thread of inhumane disregard for life, and the purposeful infliction of suffering in the misguided attempt to regain the moral high ground which has been lost to us since the use of nuclear weapons in 1945, if not before that. We live as citizens of a brutal and repressive police state which functions through the use of lies, terror and violence and god help the poor people who become acutely aware of the truth of these statements. I basically despair of anything good ever happening again and await with hope and bitter prayers for a rapid and easy departure from this vale of tears. I just simply wish to leave quietly, so that I don't have to witness any more of this hell that we have turned heaven into. And i know that each day that i live, i suffer and justly so, for i have stood by silently while great evil is being done. "And the band played on". And yet none of what i have said impinges upon or sullies the perfect inherent beauty that surrounds us every day. Until it does not.

Another perspective

Feeling kind of ashamed and guilty, yet not necessarily believing or agreeing with these reoccurring patterns, Knowing that there is nothing that can be done, much less some wrong, that can be righted, I feel broken at times, unable to play with the children in the sun, unable to enjoy god's grace, of course death seems like a solution, for I'm alive enough to know that I'm not quite able to endue or appreciate life in the contributing manner that i might dream of. I am both afraid to die and afraid to even enjoy if it means walking through this miasma of pre conscious trauma that is my karma to face and to ideally, burn.

I can habitually focus on the pain, and the fear, always afraid of the trauma's incipient return, never noticing that it is actually gone and that I am safe and sound in this graceful respite. I want to live in the grace and beauty of the space of the saints, yet stumble upon the threshold to heaven, wondering how to cast off my shoes, that I might enter heaven, forgetting that I am on solid ground.

I must or can return to this moment and to this space accepting and relishing what sensation I can, even if it requires slowing down the input so I am not lost in overload. I am no longer running from an imagined hell. I appreciate the fact that I'm not doing all myself, that I've got some good heart-ed professional help and I understand that I am graced with friends and teachers and community, and most of all the desire to live and grow and be part of the solution. For if even if I cannot embody clearly what I love, I know it is there, and I, like a flower can turn and face the sun, enjoying what I can, with the hope of enjoying more tomorrow.

This sums up my feeling on hearing Isaac speak of his less fortunate students, which I count myself among, as those damaged to some degree, in my capacity to enjoy or manifest fully the grace and beauty I see and experience in Satsang , implicit in life, and the world, in spite of or enduring the damage humans inflict upon each other and the planet. I wish to avoid the reckoning yet realize that I am embodied specifically to witness and experience all that I have and do. While hopefully pointing toward something useful and beautiful for us all.I think perhaps we all struggle to contribute our love to the common good.

Truth, Morality, and Fear

 

The obvious truth: that mortals are immoral is both obvious and painful to many of us. Most of us will spend our entire lives avoiding or embellishing this simple fact. In that light it's understandable why people of all persuasions and beliefs go to such length to keep secrets and gain and exercise violent and oppressive power over one another. The fact that our social, religious and political organizations mirror our personal human actions is of course no real reason for surprise, despair or outrage. All that is required is a realistic acceptance of profoundly human nature, our deep wounds and the tendency for power to corrupt the very best of intentions, our current president is a wonderful example, if you don't want to look within yourself.

 

The recent furor over journalistic publication of international information is the primary reason for the previous paragraph. It is difficult and challenging to accept the level of corruption and dishonesty at work in the world today if we do not look deeply into our own souls to search for our own duplicity, corruption and violence. For it is in my own personal relations with my loved ones, my family and myself that I see my own faults laid bare. How can I honestly fault others for behaving exactly like I have consistently in my own life, whether in relation to myself or others? True the level of degree is vastly different, and I am a harsh judge of myself, but only to underline the profound need for compassion. Yes others have said this far better than I, yet I need to learn to say it, and live it for myself. So that I might live peacefully and joyfully in these days of our lives.

 

How often and consistently have I terrorized my own better motives, dreams and inspirations to follow the routine habits of self oppression, addiction and denial? How often have I beat myself emotionally for having the honesty and interest to look deeper into my own heart than perhaps my partner, parent or therapist might wish? For to be compassionate with ourselves is the first and most important challenge, from that battle or opportunity will all else in life perhaps flow. When we can and do accept and love ourselves as we are, rather as we would have ourselves be, we then can extend this understanding and compassion toward others, and without which we have no chance of true love or relationship with life at all. While this simple truth lies at the basis of all life it is often overlooked in our capacity to reason and think and without which all thinking and reason will be poisoned by deep misrepresentation of the self by the habit of dualistic repression by the mind or ego.

 

So again we are invited to peace, for ourselves, by our deepest self, or god or higher self, call love by any name you may, it answers to love.