Wanting other people or myself to be different is hell.

Yet difficult to live in surrender. I constantly want to help or change what is.

Often I blame myself for wanting it to be different. This is yet another form or strategy of the mind to help my “spiritual awakening” My mind allies itself with my goal; to have a better experience than I am having. The result is frustration and contempt.

This morning I drempt of effort-ing. Sometimes others were assisting me and there was a feeling of being supported. The dreams shifted to more solitary work and there were unknown adversaries and dangers as well as dis-ease in the dreams. I ended up trying to deliver something to suspicious people who did not accept the delivery before the dream ended.

In none of the dreams was there any clear completion or attainment.

Being in relationship seems to be predicated upon my relationship with myself. If my sense of grounding is absent then I am going to be problematic in my relating.


So the question or Challenge is:

How do I embrace my “Shadow”?

Fist, I can only do it now.

Second it is a practice or a process of

Looking at what I resent, repress and avoid

Third, It is embracing what I Despise, Judge or have Contempt for.

Really that is it. I just have to hang in here one day at a time,

Day after day with what is both beautiful and horrific

Until all preferences loose any belief.

One moment, one sensation, one thought and blessing at a time.