Today

There is a shift in my life, so much for the better. I was very sick last week, a healing crisis of sorts. I am still processing so much information. It’s amazing how out of it I have been, how self obsessed and deluded. It’s very human and not so unique. so I don’t take it personally, I feel like giving myself a break and letting go of my incessant inner dialogue.

Really nice time this weekend in Ashland, saw “ A Comedy of Errors” a wholly unique western production lacking in much of the originals context or flow, but rather entertaining and essentially easy to follow. I enjoyed it along with the opportunity to visit with my sister and friends in town. Some good meals and a relaxing change of scenery went a long way toward improving my mood after the week ill.

I seem to have healed better than I would have ever expected from my last heartbreak. While I held on futily for over a year, it’s been a few months of quiet and I am in acceptance of the consequences of my actions and others choices. I feel so humble, so grateful for the lessons I have learned with my loves of the past years. While I am a bit anxious I am also optimistic about the future and my capacity to be present with others and myself. I feel so lucky and grateful to have the friends I do, and the support I need.

I feel a bit more awake than I have been in a year or two. It is sweet and I am so happy that I’m simply amazed at my capacity for pain. . . I feel love and hope like I have not in years. While the present brings many challenges and questions, at least I am present for my life, and grateful for it, in awe and wonder at the beauty that is here, now.