Morning Ride

About three days a week i go on an early
ride, about 5AM, my addrenaline go's off
I tell myself it’s the traffic
yet it’s also the end of a cream cycle
after a few years of watching,
even I can detect a pattern

so there is this panic that arrives, to say good morning !
When I was younger, I would just leap out of bed and
start my day, no caring or understanding that I was
likely to be very reactive and violent with anyone
I crossed paths with, because I was running from myself
I knew that i was very productive, a real morning person

Now ther is an opertunity to meet this anxity, this fear
panic cross fading into loss and pain of being alone and
talk with it. It useally starts with Ohh god, why this?
awnsered by a buddah laugh or Creole Chuckkle,
anything to break the building habit of dramma
Even my iipod and some help from my friends
and these lovely “spiritual” dialogues, reminding me,
that we are all addicted, most of all to our thoughts.

So often I can lull myself back to sleep to awake
perhaps tired, yet gratefull for a few hours more sleep.
another dream cycle perhaps, or two, but mostly the
chance that I don’t have to start and finish my day
in fear and reactivity, that I can be gratefull
even for this.