Sunday afternoon musing

When I awaken, or even stir into awareness, fragments of dreams, no different than life flutter through memory leaving the odor of life and “doing”. Somehow, it seems all part of life and no longer a separate function of waking or sleeping, just of flow of thoughts and images across the screen of life.

Last night was interesting; I was restless and could not seem to sleep, my stomach seemed to pain me and then I just surrendered to the sensation and it slipped into something totally different, I can’t say what except just sensation. There was no longer pain or belief, just naked sensation not even particularly localized in “me” it was similar to peace or bliss, yet still with some sense of localized sensation. Interesting, I slept.

Yet what do I mean by “I”? There is no answer, there is only space for the question to flow, open, and vibrate into just that.

Yet what is waking and sleeping? Compared to silence?

Here is some pointing, from Shakespeare’s Macbeth:

“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more; it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.”

Some disquieting commentary from a western perspective, often confused with an existential angst or a nihilistic viewpoint that is interpreted with a negative connotation, yet still pointing toward a profound and open truth, that behind all action and thought is space and emptiness, the awareness of the transitory nature of all matter, and all action.

It has been a long and somewhat tortured road from this adolescent knowing and rejection of hypocrisy and self directed violence to a calm and accepting place of nothingness that is more capable of response and love without agenda or needing, simply spontaneous movement of life, expressed through this body.