थिस Sunday

it's good that i have friends that tease me, that give me perspective and truth.

I realize again the power of words, this strong lesson of learning the difference between sex and love is delivered again and again. How to love without desire or drive, impatience or any end. Loving is joy of being myself and sometimes, reveling in mutuality of love together.

Ilearn so much about myself from others who care, their experience of looming depression, the complete and total need to reject that as a path or direction of thought or attention.

I so love what i hold as truth for being validated, again and again by community.

I am happy, It's so weird. I don't know how to relax into simple joy, which is honestly the greatest gift i have to life.

I move to gratitude for all i have, and then i feel compassion and perhaps, a useful guilt, at my lifetime of bourgeois luxury to drive me to do something more than floors, or dwell of my own pain.

It's scary to have hope. I want to help the world. I want to do something better than hide in my home andfeel sorry or sick or struggle with stupid things like addiction, (in all it's forms) or depression when there is a world out there that i could in some small way help. I know that being clean, not driving aggressively, praying and allowing the tears to flow without story or shame, i can live some good into life and the world.

so I'm home watching movies on Google Zeitgeist addendum

I'm looking forward to an upbeat ending : )


Know always, that every small act of compassion and love, that flows from your heart, constantly throughout the day, with everyone you touch. Is a healing action for us all, the wold and the deepest action of one who truly loves god.