Memory

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Love is a bobby pin lying under the bed.

Later someone wonders if something is to be lost or found.

The bobby pin never wonders

only loves. Longing for

what it once held.

Consumption edit from 2009

All that is necessary is an apathetic,

sedated, distracted populace.

No mater how good fine or

freedom loving, all that is

necessary is their inaction

and the world is lost.

School of Night

I woke a few years ago thinking of a lover as old as myself, "Suzy Creamcheese" a petite and pretty little brunette who slept and comforted me many days and nights and introduced me to cocaine and Marin and many things when I was still a teenager in San Francisco in 1977, and not very adept at getting myself around. She was usually up for a friendly fuck and I love her now more than ever and miss her. Yet she remains with all my loves, in my heart for as long after I am gone.

It is interesting to realize I have more of my life behind me than ahead, this fact puts some of my current feelings and mood inhabits different perspectives. I often think that I am alone and miserable, when in reality I’m adopting a perspective that brings with it much pain and alienation that is unnecessary.I may be isolated and morose, but this is a result of my own choices and actions as much as any objective truth that is fixed and unchanging. I often wonder what my life is like when I am happy and care-free as opposed to depressed and unhappy. While my life is full of  responsibilities and tasks these are the results of taking responsibility for my own life rather than ignoring it.  While I would like to find wonderful friends and lovers who give me all I desire, The fact remains that I am responsible for my perspective and mood. So often my own anger at myself and “the world” overwhelm my desire and ability to enjoy and act in a happy and free manner. I have much to think about in this vein.

I don't know if it's aging or not feeling like I've met my life goals

It's not that i don't know that you love me, but that
I can never go home, and that's what i need.
Wish me the best you can, try not to hate me.
I hope I'll see you someplace better,
or that i'll be able to appreciate what is.

I stand in the halls of sorrow after everyone has gone

Every seduction, hope and love has died between her doors

I stand in the halls of emptiness finally all alone. The loves

That might remember me will fade and soon be gone, even my

Grand Nieces and nephews will forget my name in time. And

Perhaps some idea spoke to stranger in passing will make some

Other less pained, then I have at least attempted my life’s desire

In love and service albeit, in vain.

2009?

My take on Suffering (continued)

I started out with the perspective of personal unhappiness. Fixed and factual; just a reflection of the pain and suffering that is endemic to this planet especially at this time. It still feels that way at times, yet i can see it is unhelpful to be rooted in this belief or perspective. I choose not to continue the violence towards myself and others. For it is violence to not accept love, beauty and awe as well. Life is (for me) neither good, nor bad, it simply is an experience that is. I may need to write more about this , but let me continue on the thread i am meandering on and get back to appreciating without judgment in a bit. I love to write about love, not as a Hollywood saccharine sweetness, but as a force of the universe, a god, that we are between, Like Venus (love) and Mars (war) we on earth orbit between these tow poles, often forgetting that there is more space than matter in the universe, and we are surrounded by space, and when we allow ourselves some space, it is much easier to deal with emotions or reality, for they are (however powerful) only occurring temporally in vast spaciousness, that is also within us.

I have come to question the validity of "my"feelings, as they tend to loop, and if (or when) i carefully examine them, I see that they (the feelings) are habitual and originate in very early experiences. So what is happening actually is rather than be present, with a situation that is unique and never to be repeated, In fear, or unconscious habit, I contract and lose touch with reality and emotionally fall into a traumatic loop of the past. It's so bizarre actually, It's like time travel, and the irony is I'm missing out on life and so of course there is a deep knowing that life is pointless, if not lived now. So this desperation or seeing that I'm not present can reinforce the hopelessness in the moment.

The real miracle or wonder in life is as soon as i accept whatever is going on (even me not being present, or "looping") I seem to have access to the present which is (not to be overly cliche) truly a present or a gift. For I am surrounded by beauty and love and horror and destruction, yet i am not starving, or being tortured (except at times by the past) and I have been given the key, and i have been encouraged to walk out of the cell of my beliefs, into freedom of not knowing.

I love Leonard Cohen, he speaks of this so eloquently. "I don't trust my feelings, feelings come and go". He also speaks of how the inherent flaw "crack" in everything in the physical world is where "light" or god comes in. There is that moment when you see your beloved as less than perfect and all of a sudden, your heart is sundered open for there is no going back in love, only forward into what is to be.

We have no choice, if we truly love, for love cares not for us, it only cares for its inevitable movement forward into life, into to what is, and to be, and again and again, we fall to our knees, saying "yes".

The Snowdon Effect

It's quite inspiring to see the flood of news coming from citizens taking action against the oppressive Stazi State in Amerika and around the world. The growth of Totalitarian states is both horrific and totally expected in the uncontrolled "winner take all" capitalism or Feudalism that is sweeping the globe. the only real question is how long it's going to take the once 1st world, now unemployed and homeless citizens of these states to take action and start acting for change.

While Chelsey Manning, Edward Snowdon, Barret Brown, Citizens at large (NOT UNITED) are being imprisoned and denied their constitutional rights, we are watching the efforts of group like ALEC going unopposed or reported on by the corporate media, another gift of the despotic democratic regime of Clinton, like Obama, the so called moderates are responsible for gutting the constitution and setting the stage for martial law and a police state in Amerika. We are finally the enemy our parents warned us about.

Mass social disobedience is not a solution but a necessary step to awake the populace to the reality of the situation that faces the democracy loving populace. Until we wrest control of the economy from the 1% we have little chance of regaining our democracy, or our constitution, or, better yet, recognizing our own history of genocide and slavery. It is a dark day in America. I fear for all of us.

While the oil magnates madly Frack our water supply with almost no concentrated opposition, we have few options that will not play into the hands of the police state. As Jeremy Scahill and Chis Hedges have more concisely elucidated the problem (along with Glen Greenwald of course), we can only look at the south American democracy's with hope and faith that freedom still develop somewhere on the globe. While they are far from perfect they are not quite the prison state that Amerika has become.

We are THE Apartheid state and it's far past time we acknowledged it. We also are actively warring against the poor, the refugees of our own misbegotten foreign policy, the children of the poor and starving our population to death. The wall street bankers are the only ones laughing in their moral vacuum.

Our Congress and Senate our totally corrupt and tools of deadly world wide oppression as we are the largest exporter of war materials, violence, unwarranted murder and extra judicial killing by the executive branch. We are a rouge state, refusing to agree to the world court and refusing to acknowledge the moral vacuum we inhabit in our endless wars against people of color and poverty in the pursuit of a failed drug and terror policy in pursuit of power and profit. We have become what we opposed, a totalitarian corrupt state that wars against it population denying them honesty, objectivity and a moral compass or purpose besides the sick consumption society that is destroying the environment and our lives. And of course any meaningful life or hope for the following generations.

Our Judicial branch is run by a Fascist Right wing white supremacist who has clearly shown his face as an enemy of all non  wealthy white americans. It's time for a constitutional congress and a total restructuring of the capitalist state towards a more just humane and environmentally responsible social justice of the nation of and for the people, not the 1%.

Best Movie of 2013 (so far)

Love it or hate it

our thoughts and rational and rage, matter

Listen to some that

have changed the world.

http://www.submedia.tv/stimulator/2013/02/28/we-are-legion/

Weath ~ Wall St. & Violence

It is disheartening and painful to look into the eyes of violent beings. There is a fundamental absence of connection. There is no opportunity to share a recognition of humanity, or awareness of love or peace. It is common as well with some spiritual teachers, public performers of every stripe especially those involved in the politics and trained in to our children we send to die and come back wounded and invisible after following our instructions to kill. Once you think about it you can see it in Obama and Hillery,  It is the look in Lyndon Johnson’s eye; King and Kennedy both murdered to oppose equality, peace, or human dignity.

Lacking truth, honesty or moral standards in our culture is our primary failure. The glaring lack of  any control over the addiction to violence or profit, when rhetoric of addiction falls to drugs in support of a prison state.. The denial of environmental cost and the poisoning of a public planet that does not belong to anyone, for nothing but simple profit, Is insanity.

As if that would buy a single moment of peace or comfort knowing ones part in creating the direct suffering of another. This is the unspoken responsibility of community and capitalism. If we cannot practice capitalism with humanity and equality then perhaps private wealth should move into history as a fragment of the shattered psyche that inhabited the last 20 or 30 centuries in the dominant groups of coincidentally violent and destructive beings. I don't say i know how to do it, I'm just saying that i want to do better.

The image of Anthony Bologna pepper spraying little girls held in a cage like puppies is a particularly disturbing example of what  the extremely casual violent support of capital in looks like in broad day light, casual violence offered without thought or regret not worth of the consideration of the energy and darkness one like him would express in private, whether one is guilty or not then leaves the picture entirely in the absence of  justice or humanity. What bothers me more is the absolutely fish eyed lack of humanity of the woman to his left who is apparently his slave has enslaved her own soul.

One wonders if humanity has any real claim to anything if this is the result of American sacrifice and posing as a humanitarian state. How this underscores the atrocity of predator drones and the so called human people doing such a job beggars the mind and ravages the soul.

I know it's simplistic, but we could change the banking system and just allow those who need money to borrow it just like the banks, built on the same pyramid of deposits of the wealthy. we take all private wealth and allow it to secure the loans to the poor so everyone can eat and have a roof over their head with sanitation and warmth and the chance for a days work ahead.