4 am woke a little panicked, alone, scared, and depressed. Aware of how and why I need community. There is not a lot holding my psyche together. I understand why people use such crutches as drugs or entertainment or belief to hide from the simple reality of being alone as by one-self in life and the world. It's not easy like being in a community or a family is by comparison. We are social animals by and large and being alone is both difficult and painful. I see why my friends have children and family just to avoid the pain and isolation of being by ones self. Being alone requires much gentleness and acceptance in letting things be exactly as they are. Naked reality, I'm alone and that's OK.
A deep breath and perhaps back to sleep. This is enough, I don't need any more and if I want more, well I can go pursue it, in full awareness of what I'm avoiding, and how, eventually, it will return fro me before or when I die. and how right now, in this grace, just being is enough. Nothing more needed. I can love and bless all, just as it is.
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