What is success ?

"Success" is a painfully amorphous chimera, especially in the current global context. Does it mean the successful ministering to the world or the exploitation thereof? And what is successful "ministry"? Whether nursing, or feeding, or healing, the less fortunate so that they (or we) can eek out a life under the radar of the ruling elite without either rocking the boat or suffering unduly?

Of course it depends on one's perspective and how "identified" one is with the self, and the particular agenda that comes with "belief" of perspective and experience. Unfortunately it has rarely been my experience of academic education as an examination of beliefs or facts, rather a very costly vocational training program for system management combined with economic exploitation of the student and faculty, while distracted by social networking opportunity for job placement of the pseudo elite, who perhaps still believe in the plausibility of economic or social security.

I found Chris Hedges book, Empire of Illusion quite edifying and readable. Although, at times i think he tends to belabor a point. He ends with the rather grim prediction that the American economy has been looted and systematically destroyed by the corporate and banking elite which owns the judicial and executive branches of government. I am truly grateful not to have children that will die in such a long slow economic depression that we are just entering with much denial and obfuscation.The likes of which have not been seen in at least 80 years and likely worse than anything in recent history since Nazi Germany, with less hope of salvation by an idealistic oposition. I have no doubt that our primary export (weapons of mass destruction) will eventually return to our own shores to exact their karmic due, whether wielded by our own military or not.

I have lived a life of rare experience. Witnessing beauty and love, as well as depression, pain, and travail. If I have a personal concept of success it is to live and die with beauty while balancing the capacity for self condemnation with forgiveness for not being a successfully "heroic" figure, tempered by the awareness of how I am still caught in a mythology that died decades ago.

I don't have much hope for america or the world, much less myself, and yet acknowledge that i may do some small accidental deeds of beauty or compassion for others and the world. I'm uncomfortable aware that my very existence is a drain on the environment and feeds the coffers of the very corporations I oppose so impotently . It is a challenging existential exercise to justify ones own existence. Perhaps it does not require justification. I do still experience joy and gratitude so life is experienced mostly as a blessing, for what i do not know. . .