Here to work? be depressed? I have no idea. Would like to get out more, even alone. Also see otherPeople widen my social life, yet I think I’m picky. . . do others like me, etc. Can I hang out with different people, will they care? What do I care, how much of my depression is coming to terms with life, that I live in a world of rage, starvation , murder, rape, safety, beauty, excess, indulgence, nirvana and bliss. Heaven and Hell all right here on our home, Earth. This has always been my primary predicament, to be in the world and appreciate the reality and privilege and beauty horror and sublime indulgence of leisure. And while the fall of world empire takes years,the "tipping point" is long past. What we do now is not to criticize or blame, but appriciate the beauty and grace that is lent us in these final eons to enjoy. For each moment, when savored in silence does indead feel like years.
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