Another ay of denial

I am awed at the #ecommunity
Particularly the slight interest from Singapore,
I don't know, what  to believe
About the waters I am stepping in too.

I know: I cannot step into the same water twice.
We can pretend their is nothing to be troubled by;
as we watch our children die.

I don't have to be a Parent:
to know the loss of a child.
A wound that never seals.
a voice, a life,
that never dies.

Water from our eyes, washing the ground
release the bones of our ancestors,
and those they killed in fear and greed.
To whom we owe amends.

Knowing nothing brings back a child's smile
Once the eternal love of a child's trust is broken.
Our absolute powerlessness in this love
goes on beyond anything we ever imagined.
Perhaps makes it all possible.

Target Video Underground Forces Vol 4 [04]. ?

A premise

I realize that I have allowed the anger and abuse  experienced as a  child to turn into self abuse. To become excuses to not be alive & rational, (at least is that not our razion de et tare?). My greatest fault is that I have lived my life doing so very little to move myself with compassion and more importantly to me, the world, away from the consumption of way too much shit. OK maybe that is an "ego" trip, to have such a goal for a life.

Yet realisically, based on growing population. As well as literately blind greed and capitalist avarice. Which has not even had the grace to uplift the species, But in shear hubris, the 1% seems to be incapable or disinterested in compassion or moral equality: except as empty words.
 
Do you recall the old SF stories (now likely movies) about “evil” people (always someone else?) development and release of bio-weapons, or aggression? Obviously this is not an answer; because death imposed, rather than life given freely, will never make meaningful social and humanitarian change. I mean, Christ. We we are not dying for “their sins, but our own. .  . More on this later. . .

Sin of course is simply a word meaning mistake, and life for me, has mostly been a mistake of inaction. And worse, of greed, and hubris. I do not "enjoy" recommending it at all, but there has to be a huge culling of the human capacity for environmental destruction, for both our moral and emotional "spiritual" growth. Not to mention our species survival in balance to "the garden" we have been lovingly given. Or rudely invaded, it's not a "closed"perspective.

I don’t know that any real discussion is had over the social and moral value of consumer commodities and even simple human impact on the planet’s bio-sphere, except by folks like Derrik Jensen, who get no respect or fraction of the audience they deserve.

 We as a species seem to be incapable or morally unwilling, to consider our place in the planet, (remember, were 3 miles deep in a gaseous atmosphere) much less the Universe, not as “bold explorers” or even as mere proto-sentient beings. Slowly beaming aware of our own hyper violent natures, irrational behavior and lack or stewardship. Or "Constitutionally incapable to be honest" about what violence, manufacturing and capital truly imply.

I don’t think it’s unusual anymore (as it was in the ’60’s) to argue that we have no more right to a “manifest destiny” as Americans to the world Than humans have a right too manipulate or destroy more than a small 20% ? of the sustainable biosphere. If one is mature, I believe that is proven in restraint. Peace is the way.

Sikim 2006

 

Some strange movement: 2006

Up late, I rise reluctantly, groggy and a bit

grumpy. The depressive extremes of yesterday’s
emotions still echoing through me. I wish for a different

experience, fearing to repeat the recent past.

Often "my" sufferings seem so personal,
 objectionable,

 some inane reason.
Or lack thereof.

The habits of shame, depression and despair

so believable, so much more poingent than

any pleasure.

 Pleasure, that often seems, impersonal.

not unlike the belief of truth, bliss and joy that
Juxtapose my emergent awareness of existence.

I seek or gravitate toward the “good” all the while
Contrasting my suffering against the whole of humanity
All of my experiences feel so personal or conversely distant
This dialectic of seeking attention & approval,

or

not giving a fuck at all
From those I know & love or those

or the greater majority of those I don’t.
 
It seems

I mirror the world

albeit imperfectly.

A good night with the Alma Matter 2008

Requiem 4/2008

Love brought us together
 

Anger and pain
the catalytic stretching in the mix

We are not alone in separate journeys

This path is holy
 others
and shadows come and stay 

Sleep safe and wake in peace,

you are  free canim

And from as close as affar,

I whisper prayers of blessing

Love on the evening breeze.