Sikim 2006

 

Some strange movement: 2006

Up late, I rise reluctantly, groggy and a bit

grumpy. The depressive extremes of yesterday’s
emotions still echoing through me. I wish for a different

experience, fearing to repeat the recent past.

Often "my" sufferings seem so personal,
 objectionable,

 some inane reason.
Or lack thereof.

The habits of shame, depression and despair

so believable, so much more poingent than

any pleasure.

 Pleasure, that often seems, impersonal.

not unlike the belief of truth, bliss and joy that
Juxtapose my emergent awareness of existence.

I seek or gravitate toward the “good” all the while
Contrasting my suffering against the whole of humanity
All of my experiences feel so personal or conversely distant
This dialectic of seeking attention & approval,

or

not giving a fuck at all
From those I know & love or those

or the greater majority of those I don’t.
 
It seems

I mirror the world

albeit imperfectly.

A good night with the Alma Matter 2008

Requiem 4/2008

Love brought us together
 

Anger and pain
the catalytic stretching in the mix

We are not alone in separate journeys

This path is holy
 others
and shadows come and stay 

Sleep safe and wake in peace,

you are  free canim

And from as close as affar,

I whisper prayers of blessing

Love on the evening breeze.

I love I.T. (from 2009)

I fucking love the irony of computers & black websites so obscure that the government funds them and still has no idea they exist. . .

running black op's so strange, they occasionally do some good

Most of the time just torturing innocent people

like we do ourselves, and those we love

so much we cannot believe what we do

And still we say "I love you"

The same word in birth & suicide.

So it struck me how much i use my computer to connect

my last 5 relationships came via the internet

women i would have married, except for their intelligence

why i continue in this folly of imagination

defies my own. Paradox of choice.

2009

Blatently stolen

The historical experience is one of going back into the past and returning to the present with a wider and more intense consciousness of the restrictions of our former outlook. We return with a broader awareness of the alternatives open to us and armed with a sharper perceptiveness with which to make our choices. In this manner it is possible to loosen the clutch of the dead hand of the past and transform it into a living tool for the present and the future. ~ William Appleman Williams

No opinion can be trusted; even the facts may be nothing but a printer's error. . . .

~ William Carlos Williams, from In the American Grain (1925). The Virtue of History

My father argues, He never stopped advancing a perspective, any more than i do.

His points to me were as follows, violent resistance to the republic is both futile and self defeating.

As an adolescent i found this very disappointing after reading Heinlein and the A cookbook. I felt animate change was in the air in my little coastal town like it Beirut was to be smited by the sword of Aries just years after my birth in 60.

That the sins of the parents will be visited onto the children for many generations, in many different ways. Best to break the chains unless your heart is steeled.

Complexity is the nature of the universe, simplicity is to accept that.

I'm so excited to be going to this wonderful ancestral event.

Growing up ashamed in the USA

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I grew up ashamed, it didn’t help that I was smart

I said mean things about our country &

I knew people hated me, and they knew why

Truth is Evil if used without love,

I wanted to have friends,

What I was: Alone mostly

Sometime we don’t know, that our focus is outside,

That what we hate is merely an aspect of what’s inside

And so an opportunity for grace Is waiting on its knees

I’ll be no harsher when I’m judging my country

We tend to take everything so seriously,

Criticizing my Country, the good old USA

Is my most Patriotic act, in grace it is received,

Born with these eyes, no wonder I lost one.

Still burning bright, I love what appears to bring me joy.

Still what hurts causes scars in both

And we carry them too this day

I wonder why reflection is so difficult

Or is it the change that is denied?

No matter that the money flows

Our new cars on the way

Cruising straight to hell

For sure we know the way.

Is it radical or conservative to say

Our consuming is eating the earth alive.

America has led us here.

As my actions every day.